2012

This year has seen depression
Take a fairly nasty hold
And turn my once warm, compassionate heart
Into something horrible and cold

My love for those around me
Didn't change its just instead
Of showing them how much I cared
I snapped with every word I said

So being with me
Or daring to care
Meant you were a target
For sharp words or a glare

So I went to see the doctor
To see what he could do,
Was very open and honest
About how I felt so blue

A course of pills were prescribed,
One little pill a day
And steadily my mood improved
Things were going the right way.

Then someone hit the back of my car
My neck and back a mess
The pain, the difficulty doing my job
And an added world of stress

So football goes out of the window
My one big stress relief,
And as the stress and pressure mount
I steadily lose my self belief

The year was not going really well
And then I lost my nan
I'm back down to the doctors then
I need a new medication plan!

My anxiety levels through the roof
I can not sleep a wink
I'd love to shush my brain just once
But constantly I think.

So two pills a day now is the plan
Instead of just the one
And I am really hopeful that this time
It will banish it, be gone!

The tablets start to work again
And my mood starts to improve
I seek some help with the mental stuff
I'm getting back in the groove

I'm finally able to put a time
On when I started feeling like this
Talking to a shrink seems odd to me
But this clarity is bliss

The one thing that was constant
Whilst I've felt so low this way
Was when and how did this thing start
And will it ever go away?

And like a sudden beam of light
Helping me to see
I trace this all back to an illness
And how that affected me

And from that moment clarity
Gives me a really great feeling
I'm not some bloody nutter
Who's mind is off free wheeling

So when the end of the final box
Of tablets is all done
Ill not seek a new prescription now
I've taken about a ton!

I'm sure the medical experts would
Tell me "reduce the dose"
But I know me, my mind and body
No one else comes close.

So off the tablets I have come
A month now give or take.
And thankfully I'm doing really well
It's about time for gods sake!

The egg shells those around me
Have had to tred on every day
Have gone for good, or at least I hope
And 2013's on its way.

This will be the year for me
Where I move on and forget
The cold hearted person I became
It's Gonna be my best year yet.