The trappings of success

How can I feel for one whole day
That everything's Allright
Then wake up in the morning
And it's all changed over night

The knott that's tied up in my stomach
Is back and I am here
Face to face with another day
And face to face with fear

The fear of failure looming large
And I know i've no chance
Life is like a quick step
And sadly I can't dance

I can't remember ever thinking
"Yes I'm good enough"
I've always expected that ill fail
And as such I've had to bluff

If I played poker I think that I
Would be a millionaire
Because I don't think that even I
Could read the blankness in my stare

It feels like nothing's going on
Behind my vacant eyes
So fool them all, it's the only way
Each day the same disguise

I'm in control, I'm happy
I've perfected this like art
But behind this facade of happy
Is a man falling apart

I have a supporting family
Supporting friends and colleagues too
But in myself I've zero faith
I don't know what to do

I don't know where this road will end
It's been going on so long
All I know for certain is
These feelings must be wrong

I hope one day I wake up
And find me, happy, at ease
If anyone's up there listening
Then will you help me please?

I don want riches, fame or fortune,
The trappings of success
Ill settle for a happy me
To replace this bloody mess